I attribute a lot in my life to serendipity, synchronicity, and intuition. 

There have been too many times I’ve been in the right place at the right time. Was somewhere that I heard exactly what I needed to hear. Got a phone call from the right person at the right time. Or made a decision that felt right but I couldn’t explain.

My decision to take a year off from dating arose from one of those moments. 

I wasn’t happy with my dating and relationships. 

I was thinking about making a shift in my approach. It was near the end of the year. There wasn’t anything about the particular recovery meeting I was at that dealt with dating, or taking time away from dating. 

But someone shared how taking a year off from dating had been one of the best decisions he ever made.

He used the time to work on himself, deepen his spiritual life, and grew immensely as a person.

It got even better when I talked to him about it after the meeting. Not long after he finished his year, he met his current wife. They were expecting their first child. 

I could tell that this could be an impactful thing for me, but I needed more convincing.

Later that evening I was given the gift of awareness. 

I had plans to hang out with a woman I had hooked up with a couple years before and had recently reconnected with. She invited me over to where she was staying, but had some cousins in town visiting. Easy enough, I just needed to wait for the cousins to leave to get what I wanted.

It was in that waiting that I was truly able to see myself.

I didn’t want to be there.

I wasn’t particularly interested in getting to know her cousins. I wasn’t even all that interested in her as a person. But still I sat there, waiting. 

I thought about leaving. I was already thinking about taking a year off from dating. We weren’t on a date, but this definitely fell into the category of dating. I couldn’t do it. 

It was like watching someone else living my life.

I waited around long enough. I didn’t get what I wanted. We fooled around, but we didn’t have sex. 

But I did get what I needed. 

I got the awareness to know I needed to take time off. The way I was approaching dating and women was not working for me. I wasn’t showing up as my best self. I wasn’t living my life in accordance with my values. 

I didn’t recognize myself in those moments. 

I wish I could tell you that I met my life partner shortly after I started dating again. That everything has been sunshine and roses after my year off. It’s been 6 months and I don’t think I’ve met her yet.

I’m still struggling to approach and meet women without dating apps.

But the relationship I have with myself today is night and day different from where I was 18 months ago. And I’m in a much better place now from which to build a partnership. 

So my story doesn’t have it’s happy ending. Yet. 

That’s okay. She’ll show up when she’s supposed to.

Have you ever taken dedicated time away from dating? What was your experience like?

Does this resonate with problems you’re currently dealing with? Get in touch. I’m actively seeking coaching clients.