I still remember where I was when I first heard about Tinder.

I had already been on dating sites and gone on a number of dates with women from them. An app seemed so much simpler. No need to go through the effort of drafting an intriguing message without knowing if she was interested. Simply put up a few photos, add a little blurb, and swipe away. 

I was 22, fresh out of college, and struggled to meet women in person. Now, I didn’t have to. 

I’ve estimated before that more than 95% of the women I’ve dated I met online. Over the past 6 months, I’ve been steadily working on lowering that percentage. After taking last year off from dating, I told myself I would try dating for 6 months without the apps. 

If, after 6 months of honest effort, I was unsatisfied with my dating life, I could go back. 

There’s no way I’m going back.

I haven’t had the amazing, immediate success with every beautiful woman that I hoped for (and fantasized about), but I’ve certainly had enough success to keep going. 

In effort to share what I’ve learned, here are 6 takeaways from 6 months of dating without dating apps in 2024.

1. Dating is hard

It’s hard to meet new people. People often lament that they don’t know how to make friends as an adult. Meeting a partner is even more complicated. 

There are so many pieces of the compatibility puzzle you have to get right. You need most of the same things you’re looking for in a friend, plus the right chemistry. You need to be in similar places in your lives. You need to be looking for similar things at the right time. Not to mention attraction and sex.  

It’s no wonder people wanted an easier way.

That doesn’t mean easier is better.

2. It’s not supposed to be easy

There are so many people available online that the Paradox of Choice means you’re less likely to be happy and satisfied when you find someone. If someone doesn’t seem like a perfect fit right away, someone else is just a swipe away. 

And the always available nature of dating apps inevitably leads to dating burnout.

Over the past 6 months, I’ve noticed I take each date I go on much more seriously. Because I’ve worked for them. Because I’ve put myself out there. Because I’ve done the Big Scary Thing in asking someone out. 

3. It’s entirely possible to have a satisfying dating life without apps

I’ve had a lot of fear around trying to date without apps. 

How would I meet women? What if I couldn’t do it? What if I wasn’t good enough? What if I wasn’t enough?

It’s easy to get caught up in our fear. To endlessly ask ourselves questions, rather than taking action. It hasn’t been perfect, I’ve had lulls, but overall I’m very satisfied with how my dating life has turned out so far.

And of course I also asked myself: what if people don’t want to meet in real life?

4. People want to meet off the apps

I was talking to a close friend recently about a conversation he had with a mutual (female) friend of ours. Apparently ‘meeting in the wild’ is all the rage this summer. 

My experience has shown me that people are seeking that organic, in-person connection. It’s definitely prevalent in dating, but everyone seems to be a bit starved for human connection. I’m not sure if it was already trending that way because of the internet and smartphones, or if it’s entirely attributable to Covid, but loneliness has become an epidemic.

When I first started using dating apps, women wanted to lie about where we met. Eventually they became mainstream enough you could just say you met on ‘the Apps.’

Now people are ditching the Apps in droves searching for more interesting dating opportunities. 

5. I’m a more interesting date because I’m not dating as much

Back when I was on dating apps, that was kind of all I did. 

I swiped and went on dates. If I wasn’t having much success meeting women (and sometimes when I was) I’d lose myself in porn binges. But I can no longer meet women from the comfort of my home.

The perfect woman isn’t just going to show up at my door.

I have to get out into the world.

Now, I’m going out salsa dancing. I’m going to discussions at book shops. I’m going to more group workout classes. I’m talking to more people. I’m hosting more events at my home to bring positive people into my life.

And now when I’m out on a date, I have a richer, fuller life to talk about.

6. There are people to meet everywhere

When I started trying to date without apps, I worried about where I would meet women.

But if I’m willing to put myself out there, to start a conversation, the places I could meet a woman are endless.

I’ve met women on the train, walking my puppy, at a friend’s company launch party, at workout class, at a yoga class, to name a few. I see attractive women everyday just going about my daily life. 

I’ve had enough success that I don’t even go places specifically to try to meet women. I go to the places and events that I find interesting or that I want to go to anyway, and if I happen to meet someone, that’s great. 

All in all, I’m proud of the progress I’ve made over the past 6 months. It hasn’t been perfect. I’ve missed some opportunities. I’ve let my fear win a time or two, or ten. 

But I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve grown in innumerable ways. I’ve had some great experiences. And if the past month is any indication, I’m just getting going. 

If you’re struggling with dating, I’d urge you to take some time away from the apps. Go out into the world, pursue your interests, spend more time with your friends, and spend more time doing things by yourself. There’s a whole big world out there and dating and women are just a small part of it. 

And let me know in the comments how you met your current partner.

If this resonated with you and any of the problems you’re currently dealing with, get in touch. I’m actively seeking coaching clients, and I’d love to help out.